Aloha ABC Studio -Homework

ホームワーク課題 添削公開ページ&先生からのメッセージ

アロハ生徒の皆さま、宿題の日記提出や、メッセージをありがとうございます!

下記、ランダムに選ばせていただいた生徒様の添削例を共有いたします。
先生からのコメント・アドバイスも記載しているので
ぜひ参考にしていただければと思います!

アロハ・ABC・スタジオ Mimi & ジョシュア先生 

 

最新 第2回目 公開添削はこちら ↓↓

I wrote the today’s diary. I would appreciate it if you could please check my sentence.

I started jog in the morning before work. → (I started jogging every morning before work)

My job ended up work from home job from last week. → (I started to work from home since last week.)

Yesterday I was so surprised that my face looks a little chubbier. → (Yesterday I was so surprised that my face looked a little chubbier.)

To keep my weight and to change my feeling I will do my best not to be a quitter.

Take care of corona virus. → (Take care from the coronavirus.)

解説:
●Take care of・・・は、「~を面倒みてね」「~を大事に」という意味なので Take care of  のうしろに yourself とつけると良いですね!
Take care of にはもうひとつ、「始末しろ」という意味もあるので ある意味、「コロナウィルスを始末しろ」という意味なら合っていますね!笑
マフィア映画にはよく「Take care of him」(あいつを始末しろ)というセリフが出てきます。
●I would appreciate のうしろは必ず目的語が来ることが前提とされています。多くは it や that を入れます。

Joshua 先生からのコメント:
Nice diary! Great job and thank you for writing this!
I fully support you 100% with your exercise journey!
Never quit!!

Last weekend, I cleaned up my room.

It was like a big event for me, because I threw away a lot of clothes and things.

It took half of the day, so I was very tired, but more than that I felt refreshed!

I would like to make better my English skills, so I’ve been watching YouTube during this time which is about bilingual kids and their family.

→ (I would like to make my English skills better, so I’ve been watching YouTube during this time which is about bilingual kids and their family.)

The videos are very cute and I can learn English, so I’m enjoying with YouTube.

解説:
Make の後は目的語がきますので 今回の場合は目的語は my English skills となります。 
他の表現として improve my English skills も良いですね。

Joshua 先生からのコメント:
I had fun reading your diary! Really great job for having only one small error! YouTube is really a great way to review! Keep up the hard work!

I watched YouTube by Yanagiya Sannosuke. → (I watched a YouTube video by Yanagiya Sannosuke.)

Yanagiya sannosuke is a rakugo storyteller, But it was talk , don’t rakugo.

→ (Yanagiya Sannosuke is a rakugo storyteller, but it was all talk, no rakugo)

I would like to learn how to business reform.

→ (I would like to learn how to do business reform.)

Please check my homework.

It was difficult for me to write my emotions in English.

Because my studying English way is only reading and listening.

→ (Because I only do reading and listening practice when I study English.)

I want to talk about my opinion and my emotions more smoothly, so I try to write the 3 lines diary at everyday. I will do my best!!!

→ (I want to talk about my opinion and my emotions more smoothly, so I try to write the 3 lines diary at everyday. I will do my best!!!)

解説:
●how to のうしろは 動詞が入ります。
●感情を表現すること、慣れなくて難しいかもしれませんが、この機会を練習の場として日記をぜひ続けて頂けたらと思います!
次の日記も楽しみにお待ちしております。

Joshua 先生からのコメント:
Thank you so much for writing this diary! I had fun reading it and great job. I made a few adjustments with grammar, but great job all in all! And yes, writing a diary is a great way to practice expressing your opinions and emotions! Just continue your hard work and you’ll surely reach your English speaking goals! Ganbarre!

I worked at my office as usual.

My company announced that we are working during a state of emergency.

→ (My company announced that we are working during this state of emergency.)

Employees are given 50musks per person by my company.

→ (Employees are given 50 masks per person by my company.)

It continues to calm down the corona virus.

I hope that we don’t worry about corona virus as soon as possible.

→ (I hope that we don’t worry about corona virus anymore as soon as possible.)

I went to the office last week. I was scared of being infected with the

Corona virus.

But I’m going to telework from next week! I feel relieved.

By the way, I started to study web design. I had been interested in it for a long time and I have much free time now, so I thought studying it with this chance. (, so I thought it’s a great chance to study.)

I bought new MacBookPro this week and I’m studying how to use

PhotoShopSoftware!

→ (I bought a new MacBook Pro this week and I’m studying how to use Photo Shop software!)

I want to be able to make website for someone who wants to have own website.

→ (I want to be able to make a website for someone who wants to have their own website.)

Of course, I’ll study English more!

解説:
●英語では受身の表現をあまり使わないので 会社を主語にして「
会社がマスクを従業員に配ってくれた」 とする方がスムーズかもしれません。
海外の新聞などでは「 Companies started distributing cloth and paper masks to workers」と表記があります。

Joshua 先生からのコメント:
Thank you so much for this impressive diary! I had fun reading it! I made some few adjustments but it was almost close to perfection! Photoshop is a special skill to have and I hope that you’ll be able to learn it fast! Good luck with it! Ganbarre!

*Heavy rain and wind from early morning.

→ (There was heavy rains and wind from early morning.)

*Tonight I’ll order a takeout at a Korean restaurant run by my friend Mum.

→ (Tonight I’ll order a takeout from a Korean restaurant run by my Mum’s friend.)

I’m really looking forward to it!!

*Well what should l do today?  

Should I clean up my closet?

Now I have a question.

How do you translate “Danshari “ ?

Please take care.

解説:
●ダンシャリは decluttering と言います。下記のジョシュア先生のコメントもチェックしてみてください!

Joshua 先生からのコメント:
Thank you so much for writing this diary! I hope you had a nice Korean dinner!

This is the English translation of “Danshari”

  • decluttering

Take care as well!

Thank you for choosing and check my English.

→ (Thank you for choosing and checking my English.)

Next, could you check my diary?

4/7

I took English lesson today.

→ (I took an English lesson today.)

I was glad because my teacher complemented me.

I think I was glad studied hard every day. I want to speak English better.

→ (I think I was glad studying hard every day. I want to speak English better.)

4/8

I had to work today. I felt today’s working tofun.

→ (I felt today’s work was fun.)

I felt good so I got home when I cleaned up my house.

→ (I felt so when I cleaned my house when I got home.)

4/9

I also cleaned up my house. I wiped all floor with rag.

→ (I wiped all the floor with a rag.)

My house was so clean but I was so tired.

I’m looking forward to my family get home.

→ (I’m looking forward for my family to get home.)

4/10

I had to work today. I got home when my husband cooked dinner.

→ (When I got home, my husband already prepared dinner.)

He doesn’t like cooking. But he was cooking for my family while watching recipe.

→ (He doesn’t like cooking. But he was cooking for my family while looking at the recipe.)

I was surprised and happy. He can do it.

4/11

I stayed at home all day. I baked cookies with my sons. But it’s too difficult for my sons to make cookies. It didn’t looks good but it was delicious.

→ (It didn’t look good but it was delicious.)

4/12

It was rainy today.

So Imy house was kondoing my house with my family.

→ (So I was kondoing my house with my family.)

My sons didn’t like to throw away his toys.

→ (My sons didn’t like to throw away their toys.)

But they can choose and throw away these toys.

→ (But they ended up throwing away these toys.)

I think their room was clean thanks to them.

4/13

My husband was working from home today. He was angry because his Internet didn’t work. So he took a lot of naps today. I think he’s not cut out for the working from home.

4/14

I had to work today. A only few patient came to my clinic.

→ (Only a few patients came to my clinic.)

So I wasn’t busy at work today. I cleaned my clinic a lot. So it was nice and shiny at the clinic.

Thank you for your correction about my homework diary!

解説:
●watch は、動きのあるものを長時間見るときに使います。Look at は何かに目線を向けるときに使います。
●たくさんの日記、楽しませていただきました!次の日記でも、When I ・・・の使い方、いくつか練習してみてください!

Joshua 先生からのコメント:
Thank you so much for writing this diary. I enjoyed reading it. I just made a few adjustments but all in all it was great! Keep up the hard work!

Yesterday, I cooked strawberry Jam and sweet bean paste (we call [anko] in

Japanese.

→ (Yesterday, I cooked strawberry jam and sweet bean paste (we call it anko in Japanese.)

Today, I ate bread with strawberry Jam at breakfast.

It was delicious!!

Actually, I’m not good at cooking…

But, I try to raise my cooking skill with this chance!!

→ (But, I will try to raise my cooking skill with this chance!!)

解説:
●あんこも作られたのですね!本格的です。ぜひレターでもご紹介させてください♪

Joshua 先生からのコメント:
Thank you for writing this diary! I enjoyed it! Good luck with your cooking practice!

I’m off work so I’m cleaning room.

→ (I’m off work so I cleaned my room.)

And I make simple sweets when I have time.

→ (And I made simple sweets when I had the time.)

I’m not good at cooking, but it’s fun to make cute things.

Recently a drink called Dalgona coffee has become popular in Korea.

But I can’t drink coffee, so I’m making it with cocoa.

It’s need a little trick but it’s delicious.

→ (It needs a little trick but it’s delicious.)

解説:
●過去形の表現など細かな部分だけ あとは全部組み立てばっちりです!

Joshua 先生からのコメント:
I enjoyed your diary! Just made some few adjustments, but very well written! Thank you for writing this!

How are you doing?

I go to work in a curry restaurant four times a week.

It’s scary of a commuter train.

→ (It’s scary to commute by train.)

It’s canceled the table tennis game.

→ (The table tennis game is cancelled.)

I’m lonely!

I wonder how long this state will last.

→ (I wonder how long will this state last.)

I’m looking foward the English lesson is reopen day.

→ (I’m looking forward for the English school’s reopening day.)

Please be careful to coronavirus.

解説:
●とってもよくかけています。「卓球がキャンセルになった」のところは 主語が何かを見極めて主語から始めると良いですね!

Joshua 先生からのコメント:
Thank you so much for writing this diary! I enjoyed it. Just made a few adjustments but great job in writing it! We also miss our Aloha classroom and we are also looking forward to see everybody real soon! Please always take care of yourself as well!

After a long time, I went to a supermarket.

Places where people gather has the possibility to be infected, but I had to buy foods.

→ (Places where people gather have the high possibility of being infected, but I had to buy food.)

I heard that the time when there is not many people is from 1 P.M to 3 P.M.

→ (I heard that the time when there are not many people is from 1 P.M to 3 P.M.)

Then I aimed the time, but there were many people more than I expected.

→ (I aimed to go at that time, but there were more people than I expected.)

解説:
●food は不加算名詞なので s をつけなくてOKです!

他にも不加算名詞の例は下記です。

不加算名詞の例 (液体・気体・概念・材料・素材・抽象的なものは「数えられない名詞」に分類される)
  • coffee
  • sugar
  • water
  • air
  • rice
  • butter
  • beef
  • honey
  • gas
  • rain
  • snow
  • beer

Joshua 先生からのコメント:
I enjoyed reading your diary! I had to make some few adjustments but great work in writing your diary! Please always stay safe!

Lastnight, I watched a movie, “Contagion” recommended by Joshua teacher on

Netflix.

→ (Last night, I watched the movie, “Contagion” recommended by Teacher Joshua on Netflix.)

Its story was exactly situation we are in now. I was really surprised.

→ (Its story was the exact situation we are in now. I was really surprised.)

This movie has a lot of useful vocabularies to explain this current situation.

I hope the vaccine for COVID-19 will be ready as soon as possible.

解説:
●exactly は副詞(動詞を修飾する)、exact は形容詞(「シチュエーション」のような名詞を修飾する)です。

Joshua 先生からのコメント:
Thank you for writing this diary and I really enjoyed reading it! Very few adjustments needed. It’s close to being perfect!
I’m glad that you’re able to watch Contagion! Yes, I agree with you. I hope the vaccine can be ready real soon.

<この期間中にどんなスキルを磨きたいですか?>

I would like to work on studying statistics and Python programming.

At ordinary, I apt to put off them because I like to hang out with my friends.

→ (Usually, I apt to put them off because I like to hang out with my friends.)

I think this is  a good situation to confront them.

→ (I think this is a good situation to see them.)

解説:
●put off のような2単語以上で成り立っている動詞(=句動詞)の場合、 代名詞(it, you , him, them など)は真ん中に入ります。
put off them ではなく put them off となります。

Joshua 先生からのコメント:
I enjoyed reading this diary! Thank you for making it. I just made a few adjustments but all in all it was really nice!

4/15

I took a day off today. So my sons was staying home today.

→ (So my sons were staying at home today.)

We made corn dogs. They were very happy.

They love corn dogs, so they ate it soon I didn’t ate any corn dogs.

→ (They love corn dogs, so they finished it quick! I was not able to eat any.)

4/16

We also took a day off today. We made caramel popcorn then we watched a movie at home today. They love toy stories and they were watching it all the time.

→ (They love Toy Story so they were watching it the whole time.)

It was boring so I slept the first part of movie.

→ (It was boring so I slept on the first part of the movie.)

4/17

I taught my sons about clock, but they didn’t understand it.

→ (I taught my sons how to read the clock, but they didn’t understand it.)

To teach my kids was difficult.

→ (Teaching my kids was difficult.)

We gave up right now.

4/18

I had work today. After work, I went to a supermarket.

→ (After work I went to the supermarket.)

They were many people coming there.

→ (There were many people coming there.)

In addition, there is not pancake mix.

→ (In addition, there was no pancake mix.)

I think everyone make a sweets.

→ (I think everyone was making sweets.)

It looks like everybody had the same idea.

4/19

I was kindoing my house with my family.

→ (I was kondoing my house with my family.)

We throw out a lot of trash.

→ (We threw out a lot of trash.)

But we didn’t clean up my room at all. It seems like that my room will cleanclean up take time.

→ (It seems like that my room will take time to clean up.)

解説:
●アメリカンドッグ作り、映画鑑賞、時計の件、など私と共通点たくさんで笑いました。(Mimi)
次回の日記も楽しみにしています!

Joshua 先生からのコメント:
Great diary and I really had fun reading it! Had some really few adjustments but it was really well written! Keep up the good work!

Today is my day off. → (Today was my day off.)

I watched TV . And ,I studied Quality Control. → (I watched TV, and I studied quality control.)

I want to go to travel in Onden.

But, The work begin from tomorrow. → (But, the work will begin from tomorrow.)

解説:
●「仕事が始まる」のようなとき the が必要ないです 
work には「作品」の意味もあって、そのようなときには the をつけます ^^

Joshua 先生からのコメント:
I enjoyed reading your diary! Thank you for writing it.
There were very few adjustments needed to make but all in all it was great.
Keep up the nice work!

 


第1回目 公開添削はこちら ↓↓


Thank you for your kindness.
I am greatful  → grateful for your support.
Additionally,I noticed that I got my recommendation  → recommended book introduced!What a nice surprised!surprise!
and Dear special teachers
I  → We haven’t seen each other for a while.
How are you all doing?I’m looking forward to seeing you  all again
I stick with it.            
Best regards

解説:
●recommendation は名詞、recommended は形容詞です。うしろに「book(名詞)」がくるので形容詞であるrecommended が適切ですね!
● a nice … ときたら うしろには名詞であるsurprise! をつけるとよいですね!(surprised は形容詞で使います)

Joshua 先生からのコメント:
Great diary!
I enjoyed reading this!
Just some small adjustments with spelling but everything were well said!
We are all excited to see you soon again as well.
Please stay safe and healthy!


I’d like to ask a question to teachers.
I study English when I sometimes lost my motivation.

→(When I study English, I sometimes lose my motivation.)

If you study English or other language, How do you think you can keep your motivation.

→(When you study English or other language, how do you think can you keep your motivation?)

I’m looking forward to seeing teachers again.

解説:
●when をつける位置、むずかしいですよね。「~なとき」たとえば「勉強するとき」となるので when I study English, が正解です

Joshua 先生からのコメント:
Thank you for this diary! Well, when I study Japanese and start to lose motivation,
I just take a short break and try to imagine all the good things and opportunities that I can have when I get good at Japanese.
It’s normal to lose motivation when trying to learn something;
I believe the best thing to do when feeling this is to take a nice deep breathe and try to remember again the great opportunities that will open when you start to be good at this skill.


I study Quality Control everyday.
I watch movies holiday.  →(I also watch movies.)
And,I  study English too.
But, It’s very difficult.

解説:
●I watch movies holiday. のかわりに I watch movies on my day off. もよいですね!
(holiday は「祝日」、 day off は「仕事のお休み」・日付の前には on をつける)

Joshua 先生からのコメント:
Thank you for this diary! Learning a language can really be difficult and frustrating at times.
But just keep believing and enjoy every moment of the journey!
Anything is possible!


Thank you for your good information!

I bouget book you recomend om the internet.

→(Thank you for your good recommendation! I bought the book you recommended from the Internet.)

Everyone say → says [ Stay Home]
but..
Everyday, I’m working  as usual.

Becaouse I‘m phisicaltherapist that provide rehabilitation for patients.Rehabilitation have not stop.

→ (Because I’m a physical therapist that provides rehabilitation for patients, my work is always busy.)

My Dayoff  is staying home,and
At first clean my room,
watching dramas and movies while rinking something.

→ (When I stay at home on my day off, I clean my room first, then I watch dramas and movies while drinking something.)

解説:
●My day off is・・・と モノを主語にするよりも I ・・・on my day off とするほうが 自然な表現になります。
英語文章を考えるときは「主語(I)」から書き出すと作りやすいです。

Joshua 先生からのコメント:
Thank you so much for your diary!
Oh no.. Just always remember to drink lots of vitamins and to wash your hands all the time!
Make sure to keep yourself safe and healthy.
And always try to enjoy your day offs as much as possible!


  Everyday except rainy day, I go to parks near my house .

→ (Everyday, except on rainy days, I go to the park near my house.)

Sitting on the grass,looking the sight and reading books.

→(I sit on the grass as I look around while reading books.)

After that, cook lunch. 
(After that, I cook lunch.)

In the afternoon I go to biking or jogging.

Question to Mr.Joshua
  Is your country OK on the corona virus ?

→ (I have a question to Mr. Joshua. How’s your country doing with the coronavirus?)

解説:
●日本語は主語を省くことが多いのですが英語では主語が大事。英語文章を考えるときは「主語(IやYou)」から書き出すと作りやすいです。

 

Joshua 先生からのコメント:
Thank you so much for your diary!
I believe you have a nice daily routine!
Thank you as well for asking the Philippine’s coronavirus situation!
The Philippines is currently on lockdown.
Everything is closed from malls, to offices, and airports.
If you are seen walking outside, police officers can question you or catch you.
We have about 5,000 patients as of now but the government is worrying that it could go higher.
I’m really hoping that this coronavirus situation everywhere will end soon!
Stay safe!


I’m cleaning and rumbling. (I’m cleaning and playing.)

I’ve recently watched a firefighter drama “Chicago Fire”

→(Recently, I’ve been watching a fire fighter drama called “Chicago Fire”.)

I think actor Jesse Gordon Spencer is very cool!!

(訳もつけてくださいました→)私は掃除をしたり、ゴロゴロしています。
最近、シカゴファイアーという消防士のドラマを見ました。
俳優のジェシースペンサーがめっちゃ格好いい!!

解説:
●辞書で調べてくださってとっても良い感じに書けています!今回の添削ではより自然な表現にしてみました。

Joshua 先生からのコメント:
Thank you so much for this diary! 
Wow! That’s really nice!
I’m glad that you are watching an English drama!
This will be very helpful for your English studies!
Thank you for this recommendation as well! Keep it up!


I wached live horce racing for TV on the weekend.
(I watched live horse racing on TV last weekend.)

I went to Shin-Osaka Station last Saturday to cheak open the shop

(I went to Shin-Osaka Station last Saturday to check some open shops.)

I eat the beef rice bowl with vegetable salad.

(I ate beef rice bowl with vegetable salad.)

解説:
●文章の構成自体はよくできています!引き続き過去形で書く練習をしてみてください!

Joshua 先生からのコメント:
Thank you for writing this diary!
That was a very good practice and I enjoyed reading it!
I just made some small adjustments with some spelling and grammar.
But really close to perfect!
Always stay safe and looking forward to see you soon!


I did a lot of watching on youtube.and I cooked sweet potato cakes.

I’ve been busy  
with work everyweek.It’s driving me crazy.Therefore,I want to (have a) deep (a)sleep.oh!I’m reading english book!

解説:
●概念を表す場合は a をつけません。sleepは【概念】としての【眠り】は不可算名詞になります。
20時~22時までの【睡眠時間、ひと眠り】の様に具体的に回数として数えられる場合は【加算名詞】になります。

不可算名詞は数字で数えられないもので、抽象的な概念や質の名前、小さすぎたり、形がないので数えられないもの (液体、粉、ガス等)です。
不可算名詞には単数形の動詞を用い、一般に複数形はありません。

不加算名詞の例 (液体・気体・概念・材料・素材・抽象的なものは「数えられない名詞」に分類される)
  • coffee
  • sugar
  • water
  • air
  • rice
  • butter
  • beef
  • honey
  • gas
  • rain
  • snow
  • beer
  • food
  • blood
  • sand
  • knowledge
  • beauty
  • anger
  • fear
  • love
  • money
  • research
  • safety
  • evidence

Joshua 先生からのコメント:
Thank you so much for this nice diary!
Wow! You make sweet potato cakes?!
I wish we could try them soon!
Please try your best to find some time to rest!
It’s very important nowadays!
Always stay safe and healthy!


I bought a video game for PlayStation 4 called Final Fantasy 7 remake.

(I bought a video game for my PlayStation 4 called Final Fantasy 7 remake.)

This is a Highly improved version of original FF7 which was released 23
years ago. 
The rerecorded music is nostalgic and beautiful, and drastically changed
battle scenes are exciting. 
I wanna play it for a long time, but I have to go work.
Please give me a lot of time!

Joshua 先生からのコメント:
Thank you for this very good diary! Oh wow! Looks like you had an exciting weekend!
The last time I played FF7 was in PlayStation 2.
That was a long time ago!
Now I’m thinking about buying the remake…
Hmm.. Well, I hope you have a lot of free time to play during this coronavirus emergency situation!
Enjoy the game while you can!!


 

On my day off, I try cooking!!
I made (a) stuffed peppers. Next time, I want to try make (making) a chicken nanban. It’s my favorite. 
And, I was reading a recommended book. 
I always read books while listening to classic music. 

I hope good news comes soon.

Joshua 先生からのコメント:
Thank you for that diary!
And wow! I wish I could cook those dishes like you!
And you have a very nice and relaxing hobby! Let’s pray together for good news soon!
Always stay safe!


I review English every day. 
I used to went to grocery shop by bicycle.→ (I used to go to the grocery shop by bicycle).

But recently I’m go to grocery shop on foot. 


→ (But recently, I go to the grocery shop on foot.)

I often watching movie.

→ (I often watch movies.)

解説:
●”used to” のうしろは 動詞の原型 
● recently は過去のある一点について「つい最近〇〇が~・・・」という形で言うことが多いので
these days 「ここ最近」の表現も良いと思います。
●I often watching … は I often watch でOK ing をつけるなら I’m watching というようにBe動詞をとセットで使います。

Joshua 先生からのコメント:
Thank you so much for this diary!
I enjoyed reading it!
I believe walking is also a good exercise if you’re tired of biking.


 

引き続き、「3行日記」課題の回答を募集中!
今日、昨日のできごとを3行以上の英語文にして こちらまで送ってくださいね!

→ guest*aloha-abc.com (*を@に変えて送ってください)

新型コロナウィルスの影響で通学レッスンができない間の英語力維持のため、ぜひ挑戦してみてください!
またメールレターにて添削結果をお届けします!

マンツーマン英会話
アロハ・ABC・スタジオ Mimi

(Updated:2020/04/14)

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